It’s been a while since my last post. I was trying to think about why and I guess there are a few reasons. One is that it’s been a school holiday and I’ve been away. So that’s my excuse for all 5 weekdays last week! As for the other days… Well. After my last post I started feeling pretty despondent with it all. This isn’t abnormal. This comes and goes and it’s something I live with, even though I’m not sure I will ever get used to it. Then there’s the very simple fact that, actually, I don’t always want to think about my diabetes. Sometimes, just sometimes, it’s nice to pretend that it doesn’t exist. Or at least not give it the satisfaction of acknowledging its presence! See, to me, my diabetes is like a person. It’s my shadow, only it doesn’t need the sun to be there. Sometimes it gets so big that it blocks my view of everything else. And sometimes I like to gag it and squish it into my pocket. One day, I may even manage to make a friend out of it. But that day is not here yet!
To be honest the despondency is still with me a little. Over the week I was away I barely gave my diabetes a thought, other than to test my blood to check in and to inject accordingly. I had a few hypoes, but then I did a lot of walking. Hypoes frustrate me but their symptoms are short-lived. Once I’ve shovelled sugar in my mouth I generally start to feel human reasonably quickly. They’re not a good thing; too many can lead to diabetics losing their hypo-awareness symptoms, but high blood sugars are another story. They scare me. And they make me feel horrible. So a week with decent blood sugars and a few hypoes sprinkled into the mix was, overall, great.
However, this morning the monster reared its head again. I went to bed with a blood sugar just a little higher than I would have liked and woke up sky high: the curse of work is back. I don’t know what happens. I’ve talked already about stress hormones and that’s the only explanation I can come up with. I don’t mean I spend my life at work perpetually stressed; I don’t. Or even that I dread going to work; I don’t. But my body seems to silently react. It’s a sniper attack from within. Maybe it’s adrenaline, I don’t know. But whatever it is I just don’t know how to combat it. I’ve just been to the gym so I’m hoping that tomorrow morning I will miraculously awake from my slumber to be greeted by a shadow that is behaving itself. I’m not sure my chances are too good. Cross your fingers everyone!
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