The last few weeks have passed very much in a blur; my feet have barely touched the ground. And, as a consequence, I haven’t been as loyal to my blog as I could have been! But, today I had another diabetic clinic at the hospital, and earlier in the week I browsed an online diabetes forum on which I used to be a prolific poster and have been inspired once again to write.
As per usual it’s been a bit of a rough old ride. I’ve had a few breakthroughs (namely waking up with perfect blood sugars on at least 3 occasions) and a few lows (actual – in the form of hypoes - and metaphorical: just being generally fed up with the whole thing, the latter not being conducive to my writing)
On Thursday I played a (very giggly!) game of netball and then went to watch the Nutcracker ballet at the Busan Cultural Centre. However, in the excitement of getting ready for the ballet I forgot to adjust my insulin to accommodate the exercise and then had not one, but two, hypoes while out. I got incredibly frustrated with myself: it’s such a simple thing to forget to do! Unfortunately, in situations like that, excitement just gets in the way of being a good diabetic!
My foray onto the diabetic forum was a bit of an eye opener. I found a thread on which people were comparing their waking blood glucose levels. As you know if you have read my previous posts, I struggle with my morning blood sugars. It was a shock to me. So many people wake up with pitch perfect blood sugars. I was seriously impressed. But then my wonder turned to jealousy, and my jealousy to frustration and my frustration kick-started something in me: I think it’s called motivation?! Anyway… I thought: “If they can do it why can’t I? I’m going to whip my levels into shape if it kills me.” This, however, remains to be seen. The reaction of my doctor today at my inability to control my over-night blood sugars seemed to be somewhere between amusement and sincere understanding. He said, with a smile, “Stress!” and, pointing to an array of particularly high readings, laughed and said, “Very stressed!” Oh dear… He did go on to explain what I know – but what never ceases to annoy me – that environmental factors have an impact too. But that doesn’t really help…
So with that, back to today and my clinic. It began at 8 o’clock this morning when I arrived at Haeundae Paik hospital for my blood test. As usual, I drank as many bottles of water as I could cope with en route to the hospital to make sure my veins were nice and plump. On the bus on the way, following my normal two pieces of toast and marmite, I had the sinking feeling that the blood test should have been a fasting one. However, I pushed the thought out of my mind and just carried on. Once there I handed my piece of paper to the receptionist and was motioned straight over to the phlebotomist. The transaction was quick and painless and I was walking back out of the door 5 minutes later. So refreshing! At home, getting blood out of me could be like getting blood from a stone; here, they seem to have the knack!
After that I went to school only to return at 2:30 for my appointment. Today, it went well. Maybe I’m just getting used to it, I knew where to go for what and managed to pay (extortionate amounts of money) and exchange my prescription for insulin pens as if I had been born here. Well. Nearly! The doctor was all smiles and proudly presented the results of my blood tests to my on the computer screen. My HbA1c was 7.7%, down from 8.4%, which is something to celebrate. My target is 7.0%. My blood pressure is fine. My thyroid function is now fine after upping my dosage, my kidney function and cholesterol levels are also good. So right there, in that short paragraph I have written are many reasons to be upbeat. I just need to remember that in the weeks to come. After 16 years of diabetes, I am still relatively healthy if dependent on a whole variety of pills and potions to keep me alive. I keep wondering when my time will come, when my luck will run out, and this is where I have to keep my chin up and not let it all bog me down. I am trying very hard to implement a small facet of the Buddhist teachings into my being: living for now. If it were that easy I would already be doing it; it’s not and I’m not but I will keep trying.
